Questions To Self

By Poet Dismas Okombo

Am I my dark ugly past?
The days when there was no strength in my vein to withstand the tempest,
The days when adversity pinned me down, and desperation camped at my doorstep
The days when tears flooded my face and my heart, fears beset
The days when my life was a mess and living was a constant nightmare.
Am I the lessons of my past?

Am I the struggling young man?
Who’s constantly worried of ‘what if I fail’, though thinks he can,
Who’s curious to taste the sensation of sin but prays to match thro’
the heaven’s gate,
Who longs to embrace his destiny but still live on fate?
Who yearns to express his authentic-self but still craves the comforts
of convection,
Whose feet itch for nobler paths, but inwardly doubt if he’ll ever
reach the destination.
Does in me dwells the irritating uncertainty that spice life?

Am I the courage and determination and good feeling?
Am I the drums at frenzy? Am I the soothing voices singing?
Am I the carefree bird of the sky?
Am I the passion, the zeal and the fire?
Am I a crayon?
Am I the resilience, that when knocked down, I’ll get up to fight on?

Am I the version of myself that the world wants to see?
Or, I am the version of myself that I want to be.
Is life to be lived, not questioned?